THREE LIMERICKS I WROTE FOR A National Enquirer CONTEST, WHILE TRIPPING ON ACID, ON THE DAY HAMMERIN' HANK HIT HIS 715th CAREER HOME RUN

 

There once was a state called Wyoming,
A place where the pigeons taught homing—
  All alone on their perches
  Where seizures and searches
Left the luckless to shift or start roaming.

 

All alone in the sun lay a lizard
As if he had grits in his gizzard.
  When the sun got too hot
  And his sweat turned to snot,
He'd relax and invent him a blizzard.

 

With iron that was hid in your spinach
I built all the trestles in Greenwich.
  Now the trains run at night
  While I'm down with a blight
Of the hives and a terrible skin itch.

--Zack Replica, writing as Citronella Candles
8 April 1974